My last few months.....

2014 might be my worst year. First, I got depression beginning of the year after watching My Love From Another Star. It took me 2months to recover, not fully but better. Then Keima's condition got worse, I was worried about her. Until June, she got admitted and from there, her condition was on and off, on and off. I was worried sick. I tried to visit her whenever possible. Then she went to KL to live with Kei-yi for 2weeks. After KorKor left her, her condition was starting to go down as Keima was very heart-broken then. She came back, it was very heartbreaking to see her. Keima doesnt look good that time and she cant even walk. Then she went to stay in Pantai Nursing Home, Waterfall. I went to visit after work everyday and also during weekends. I see her condition getting worse by the day, it really broke me down. I would panic when my phone rings or when I get sms telling me I have a missed calls. I got panic when my phone battery got low and scared that it might died and people might not be able to reach me, especially nursing home's Mdm Tiang. When Keima's condition was bad on a certain day, I would panic all night. Even when I was having dinner, I saw ambulance passed by, I would panic and look at my phone, fearing that Mdm Tiang might call to say they needed to send her to hospital.
One day before Keima left us, I went to visit in the morning. Saw Amanda, the nurse and she told me Keima's blood oxygen went back up to normal, I was so relieved then. On that day, Keima was responding well to me I thought she would get better. But I would never know that Keima will leave us the next day.
We went to visit Keima on that day.. It broke my heart seeing Keima panting so quickly, grasping for air. Within 2hours, the different was so big. From panting to 3-4seconds for a breath and slowly, not breathing anymore. It all happens in 2hours and Keima is gone. Keima had me-her god-daugher, mum-her best friend and sis with her when she left. Sri, the maid and Mdm Tiang was there with her also. Kei-yi didnt make it back in time but Keima heard her voice and I knew Keima was relieved when she heard Kei-yi's voice. She gave us a one last glance and left us. I dont know what to do or what to say then. I would have gave you a kiss on your forehead and say goodbye. But I was just too stunned there and everything was blank, my mind, my heart, my brain........